No matter how many wrongs enter your life it don't make you right.
when I press release/ my clips break the concrete/ start an earthquake/ if you were sleeping the big rumble got you wide awake/ no choice but to start a new slate
beggers can't be chosers but they sure can be assholes.
I know sometimes a lot.
Everything is out there to get. What don't you get?
Let me tell you about a lie bigger than pride: false modesty.
I was born in the same socio but different economics. Therefore different socio.
I got a million things on my mind and I'm not paying attention to any one of them.
He dropped the ball so many times I don't even know why he picks it up at all.
A king should never have to apologize that he's not a squire.
Cheapskate psychology costs you nothing and makes you a real free thinker for all the wrong reasons.
My game comes with no instructions and it's missing half it's pieces.
I might place my trust in you but I'm not letting go.
Drama is like day time soaps: I let you play it out for me.
In-action speaks a audio whisper that's less than action because we forget when nothing is done.
Real pride don't die/ it's hurt just multiplies.
Your proof that dumb only works on the dumber.
You can't call it a mutiny without a captain. You catch wreck if you have no one to catch the blame.
Winner's get all the perks the best being the benefit of the doubt.
"Those whom the God's intend to destroy they first make mad."
Percy Fawcett: Adventurer
I've been ordered to commit conflict/ you want to kill the beef you got to continue to tenderize it/ by stomping it
Learning women to me is like a horse trying to learn braille: I got no feel for it.
The only way for an old ideal to end is to end the pursuit of that ideal.
Never mind to much a wandering tongue. All it takes is one slip to be fatal to it's host.
Jail is just another word for prison.
Just because it's a big deal doesn't mean you have to make a big deal out of it.
get 'em pissed like a bus that's not in service/ leave them waiting in the cold shaking like they're nervous.
Sometimes you have to force feed truth into an argument.
A gambler's luck always runs out. You can bet on that.
I rather have ten new enemies than one more fake-ass friend.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Born on Earth Day 3dom
I break backs like presents on Christmas...
I can honestly say that I've changed. The way I've changed is I tell everyone I know and meet how much I changed. Or I can tell an old story and say this is how I was back then. But then my DNA miraculously altered. You know who changed? Peter Parker. He got bit by a radioactive spider and became a super-hero. Unfortunately having a secret identity keeps him from being able to tell anyone he's changed. You know who changed? God. He spent infinity alone and then was a total moron during the four or so thousand years of the Old Testament. Then he went to therapy and felt good enough to have a illegitimate child who he paid no child support and never saw. He gave us his only son because kids can be a major pain in the ass.
Jesus is just alright to me which may be a little more right than God. In his defense his job is so time consuming he could never be there as a role model for a young Jesus. He would miss every little league game. Plus God and Mary was never going to work out. That was a one time thing. Wham Bam, where's the thank you for the Savior Ma'am? I got places to go and prayers to ignore. And who knows it could be that Joseph Smith Mormon prick. He's running around that planet Kolob saying he got there first. Hey I said you just read it. Have fun being in Heaven where all those over-starched stiffs make you go to shitty ass pool parties with generic soda pop and orange Jello with pieces of banana in it. What about the step-dad Joseph? Where's his Gospel (the director of Titanic will find it)? Raises another guy's kid teaches him a trade and he's only known for walking next to a donkey.
"Your not my real Dad!"
"Oh yeah, they've yet to prove the existence of yours."
Fuck. I thought of some journal ideas at the post office (lot of time to ponder pretty much anything) but I forgot it all. I got to start bringing my little notepad with me 24/7 like the old days. When I used sit in front of some kids movie at the theatre waiting for some bright flash from the screen cause Horton the Who (debut album 1993 under Blow The Budget records) gave me some inspiration. When I was 6 the only thing it inspired was that my parents were trying to soften me up for the surprise Sunday dinner of Green Eggs and Ham (futher contemplation was the knowledge that my Ma didn't like eggs but maybe only of the yellow and white variety). What the fuck Ma and Dad I'm forced to read this because whatever was in those brownies back in '69 has yet to wear off. Has Mrs. Reagan been notified of this Dr. Seuss fellow and what he is peddling? I guess Just Say No doesn't include Hallucinogens. This explains why I saw Santa on his sleigh when I was visiting my Grandparents in Saint Augustine, Florida during the middle of summer. I thought he was on vacation. That fat bastard puts in work one day a year the rest of the time he's vacationing on every Cruise Ship on off season rates. Whose financing or more importantly whose keeping tabs on that Jolly Jerk-Off? It's recession, is he vacationing in Atlantis off my tax dollars? It's senate inquiry time. My Pediatrician Dr. Elveriz ain't nothing but a pusher. That fucker thought I was only going to be 5 foot tall. Now I know why. He was looped up so much his vision was like fun house mirrors. He thought my sister was going to be tall even though now when we go to a restaurant we have to tell the staff in advance we don't need any crayons. Oh, I got to get to the nearest AA meeting cause I finally have something to bitch about.
Santa's only purpose is that first big fat lie that makes it easier for the rest of the shitty falsehoods our kids have to go through. You can never start too early on grooming your child to a life of cynicism and disillusionment.
"What's in my stocking, Daddy?"
"A future of foreboding and obstacles both real and imagined."
I like Johnny Depp but what's his obsession with making these fucked up Edward Scissor-hands movies? To inspire the novelty side of the Porn Industry? I mean who wants to see a guy with ten penis fingers? O.K. pretty much everybody but whose going to masturbate to it? O.K. pretty much everybody and everybody else. Is Depp getting the back end (right choice of words) on these videos that were a driving force behind the revolution called the internet. Being in line at the video store with a porn tape whose first three words are "Charlie and the..." may not be ideal to your social standing in the local community. Better off giving those digits to an online porn star who will give them to an Asian Triad they owe money too.
You know guys say they like girls that are like one of the guys but thats not totally true. She likes watching football. Cool. But you don't want her taking a 5 burrito shit reading a Sports Illustrated for an hour. You don't want her farting and throwing your head under the sheets.
A writer keeps on writing.
You know I know a lot of guys out there are jerking off to that freaky goth chick in NCIS but she would have to prove her personal dysfunctions before I got to excited.
Has the internet giving up on making my penis 2 to 3 inches longer? The used to try and make women's penis longer too. It was all a technique that was used in the Middle East back in the Caravan days that gave them monstrous 13 inch flaccid penises. I think I read it it on Wikipedia. I mean all you had to lose was a 10 dollar money order sent to a non-descript P.O. box. That was back in the day when I thought I had it made jerking off to pictures that took 2 minutes to download on thumbnailpost.com.
I can honestly say that I've changed. The way I've changed is I tell everyone I know and meet how much I changed. Or I can tell an old story and say this is how I was back then. But then my DNA miraculously altered. You know who changed? Peter Parker. He got bit by a radioactive spider and became a super-hero. Unfortunately having a secret identity keeps him from being able to tell anyone he's changed. You know who changed? God. He spent infinity alone and then was a total moron during the four or so thousand years of the Old Testament. Then he went to therapy and felt good enough to have a illegitimate child who he paid no child support and never saw. He gave us his only son because kids can be a major pain in the ass.
Jesus is just alright to me which may be a little more right than God. In his defense his job is so time consuming he could never be there as a role model for a young Jesus. He would miss every little league game. Plus God and Mary was never going to work out. That was a one time thing. Wham Bam, where's the thank you for the Savior Ma'am? I got places to go and prayers to ignore. And who knows it could be that Joseph Smith Mormon prick. He's running around that planet Kolob saying he got there first. Hey I said you just read it. Have fun being in Heaven where all those over-starched stiffs make you go to shitty ass pool parties with generic soda pop and orange Jello with pieces of banana in it. What about the step-dad Joseph? Where's his Gospel (the director of Titanic will find it)? Raises another guy's kid teaches him a trade and he's only known for walking next to a donkey.
"Your not my real Dad!"
"Oh yeah, they've yet to prove the existence of yours."
Fuck. I thought of some journal ideas at the post office (lot of time to ponder pretty much anything) but I forgot it all. I got to start bringing my little notepad with me 24/7 like the old days. When I used sit in front of some kids movie at the theatre waiting for some bright flash from the screen cause Horton the Who (debut album 1993 under Blow The Budget records) gave me some inspiration. When I was 6 the only thing it inspired was that my parents were trying to soften me up for the surprise Sunday dinner of Green Eggs and Ham (futher contemplation was the knowledge that my Ma didn't like eggs but maybe only of the yellow and white variety). What the fuck Ma and Dad I'm forced to read this because whatever was in those brownies back in '69 has yet to wear off. Has Mrs. Reagan been notified of this Dr. Seuss fellow and what he is peddling? I guess Just Say No doesn't include Hallucinogens. This explains why I saw Santa on his sleigh when I was visiting my Grandparents in Saint Augustine, Florida during the middle of summer. I thought he was on vacation. That fat bastard puts in work one day a year the rest of the time he's vacationing on every Cruise Ship on off season rates. Whose financing or more importantly whose keeping tabs on that Jolly Jerk-Off? It's recession, is he vacationing in Atlantis off my tax dollars? It's senate inquiry time. My Pediatrician Dr. Elveriz ain't nothing but a pusher. That fucker thought I was only going to be 5 foot tall. Now I know why. He was looped up so much his vision was like fun house mirrors. He thought my sister was going to be tall even though now when we go to a restaurant we have to tell the staff in advance we don't need any crayons. Oh, I got to get to the nearest AA meeting cause I finally have something to bitch about.
Santa's only purpose is that first big fat lie that makes it easier for the rest of the shitty falsehoods our kids have to go through. You can never start too early on grooming your child to a life of cynicism and disillusionment.
"What's in my stocking, Daddy?"
"A future of foreboding and obstacles both real and imagined."
I like Johnny Depp but what's his obsession with making these fucked up Edward Scissor-hands movies? To inspire the novelty side of the Porn Industry? I mean who wants to see a guy with ten penis fingers? O.K. pretty much everybody but whose going to masturbate to it? O.K. pretty much everybody and everybody else. Is Depp getting the back end (right choice of words) on these videos that were a driving force behind the revolution called the internet. Being in line at the video store with a porn tape whose first three words are "Charlie and the..." may not be ideal to your social standing in the local community. Better off giving those digits to an online porn star who will give them to an Asian Triad they owe money too.
You know guys say they like girls that are like one of the guys but thats not totally true. She likes watching football. Cool. But you don't want her taking a 5 burrito shit reading a Sports Illustrated for an hour. You don't want her farting and throwing your head under the sheets.
A writer keeps on writing.
You know I know a lot of guys out there are jerking off to that freaky goth chick in NCIS but she would have to prove her personal dysfunctions before I got to excited.
Has the internet giving up on making my penis 2 to 3 inches longer? The used to try and make women's penis longer too. It was all a technique that was used in the Middle East back in the Caravan days that gave them monstrous 13 inch flaccid penises. I think I read it it on Wikipedia. I mean all you had to lose was a 10 dollar money order sent to a non-descript P.O. box. That was back in the day when I thought I had it made jerking off to pictures that took 2 minutes to download on thumbnailpost.com.
Born on Earth Day 2: Electric Boogaloo
So there I was the only one left in the Platoon with Gooks all around me. Oops, wrong jungle. Did you know the Mac TextEdit doesn't put misspelling redlines under the word Gooks. Steve Jobs must hate the Vietnamese. I don't know what the fuck his problem is? You can get a Vietnamese hooker for the whole day for like 5 bucks. 50 bucks will buy you enlightenment that would give Deepak Chopra a skin-tearing boner. And he belongs to that sex religion that has like a 1,000 different positions. I always thought there was basically 3. Just because you have your right big toe in a different position does not a position make. Hey, I can fuck as good as the next guy (despite what my former conquests may proclaim (ain't nothing worse than a snitch: ladies)) but come on. You know as much as sex is important to us none of us practice outside the act. Boxers hit heavy bags, Karate guys push 40 year old Italian teen-agers down hills, adulterous husbands get there stories straight, etc... etc...
They say if a man practices drawing out masturbation he will eventually get to lasting longer so when it cums (Yeah Baby!) to real thing he won't have to say for the 23rd time how this has never happened before. That's what's great about the actress Natalie Portman. When a guy jizzes in his boxers before he can prematurely ejaculate on the mattress she will hold the man ever so gently and say she just wanted to be held anyway (she is an excellent liar which makes her of course an excellent actress).
Advertisment: Hey, it's Hot Antenna here and if your like me you like chicks with enormously out of proportioned chests compared to their frail like bodies. Like any other guy on Facebook. Word to your mammaries, Ladies.
Sometimes when I have a bad day I have a epiphany that tomorrow is probably going to be worse.
I feel as useless right now as yesterday's boner.
It's not the crime. It's the criminal committing the crime.
I had a friend who was having sex with this super-hot chick in his bedroom. So he was in the middle of some primal beast like sex when his stomach made that water-cooler sound and he had to take a major diarrhea. How major? Major enough for him to stop having sex and run into the bathroom. His sphincter muscles were unable to contain the shit-storm. I don't know what he told her: He thinks he left the iron on? I don't know. So while she waits, looking all hot and boner-making, he is sweating even though it wasn't hot and taking a shit. Well a shit conjures into your mind a mass that is in form of a solid. Diarrhea can form a watery conduit for the transfer of small solids. But he wasn't lucky enough to have that kind. This was the type of Diarrhea you can piss out your urethra with no problem. Well with explosive diarrhea comes the requisite sounds that are not much of a turn on. Now after he completed his completion he went back out to finish the other job he started. Unfortunately unlike the watery shit out the ass, the hot sex with a hot chick till the blissful I feel no pain because I can't think of anything else whatsoever ejaculation did not come to fruition. She had a judgmental look of total disgust on her face and for some reason decided against completing the fucking. She dressed and fled and my friend never got a second chance to see her again.
No, just the shameful reminder of ultimate embarrassment every time he saw her after the "event". And of course the panic that she is going to tell every female that is located with in his fucking distance. I'm sure murder crossed his mind. How and when and where to hide the body. Mask or no mask. Does Lime really accelerate the decomposition of a body when sprinkled over the corpse in the shallow grave behind a concrete slab? I don't know if he killed her or not but he probably did. Which puts to both sexes the question: Similar situation what would you do? What's the proper etiquette in dealing with this delicate situation (maybe delicate is the wrong word when your discussing explosive diarrhea; there's nothing delicate about painting the inside of the whole bowl brown). Now, I know the cool guy answer is he would finish the job after she just finished the job but I don't know. Do you want to do it or do you just want to be know as the soldier that will get the job done come Hell or brown water (sorry). I think my attention is starting to span. This topic is fucking gross.
I wonder what he ate? If it was Taco Bell I have absolutely no sympathy for him.
If I was in a rap battle with Big Pun I would rap that he's called Big Pun because he's a big fat joke.
They say if a man practices drawing out masturbation he will eventually get to lasting longer so when it cums (Yeah Baby!) to real thing he won't have to say for the 23rd time how this has never happened before. That's what's great about the actress Natalie Portman. When a guy jizzes in his boxers before he can prematurely ejaculate on the mattress she will hold the man ever so gently and say she just wanted to be held anyway (she is an excellent liar which makes her of course an excellent actress).
Advertisment: Hey, it's Hot Antenna here and if your like me you like chicks with enormously out of proportioned chests compared to their frail like bodies. Like any other guy on Facebook. Word to your mammaries, Ladies.
Sometimes when I have a bad day I have a epiphany that tomorrow is probably going to be worse.
I feel as useless right now as yesterday's boner.
It's not the crime. It's the criminal committing the crime.
I had a friend who was having sex with this super-hot chick in his bedroom. So he was in the middle of some primal beast like sex when his stomach made that water-cooler sound and he had to take a major diarrhea. How major? Major enough for him to stop having sex and run into the bathroom. His sphincter muscles were unable to contain the shit-storm. I don't know what he told her: He thinks he left the iron on? I don't know. So while she waits, looking all hot and boner-making, he is sweating even though it wasn't hot and taking a shit. Well a shit conjures into your mind a mass that is in form of a solid. Diarrhea can form a watery conduit for the transfer of small solids. But he wasn't lucky enough to have that kind. This was the type of Diarrhea you can piss out your urethra with no problem. Well with explosive diarrhea comes the requisite sounds that are not much of a turn on. Now after he completed his completion he went back out to finish the other job he started. Unfortunately unlike the watery shit out the ass, the hot sex with a hot chick till the blissful I feel no pain because I can't think of anything else whatsoever ejaculation did not come to fruition. She had a judgmental look of total disgust on her face and for some reason decided against completing the fucking. She dressed and fled and my friend never got a second chance to see her again.
No, just the shameful reminder of ultimate embarrassment every time he saw her after the "event". And of course the panic that she is going to tell every female that is located with in his fucking distance. I'm sure murder crossed his mind. How and when and where to hide the body. Mask or no mask. Does Lime really accelerate the decomposition of a body when sprinkled over the corpse in the shallow grave behind a concrete slab? I don't know if he killed her or not but he probably did. Which puts to both sexes the question: Similar situation what would you do? What's the proper etiquette in dealing with this delicate situation (maybe delicate is the wrong word when your discussing explosive diarrhea; there's nothing delicate about painting the inside of the whole bowl brown). Now, I know the cool guy answer is he would finish the job after she just finished the job but I don't know. Do you want to do it or do you just want to be know as the soldier that will get the job done come Hell or brown water (sorry). I think my attention is starting to span. This topic is fucking gross.
I wonder what he ate? If it was Taco Bell I have absolutely no sympathy for him.
If I was in a rap battle with Big Pun I would rap that he's called Big Pun because he's a big fat joke.
Born on Earth Day
Irish is not a heritage it is a disease.
I think the early years still kind of sucked because your basically playing with the same damn shit they have since I can remember which we know doesn't not count my first few years and not much the few years after those years. Got it. It's plastic shit that's been narrowed down from the obvious eye gougers and choke hazards.
But there always some enterprising toddlers out there that learn a way to use some toy in such a manner that it becomes lethal to themselves. The few who survive these exercises in extreme product testing often go on to bigger and better things. And with hope those bigger and better things will not kill them either. What do Steve Job's, Bill Walsh, and Barak Obama have in common? You guess it. They are all choking hazard survivors. So anyone prone to think that those who almost choked to death on a plastic toy as a wee little one would go on to suck in life couldn't be more wrong.
You know I always thought my generation was the last generation. I mean we were the Pepsi generation when it started out. Then it was changed to the X generation yet I could find no 7/11 with any X soda products. Then I figured out that the Pepsi corporation was bought by the X corporation only for the X corporation to become a subsidiary of the Y generation. I just bought the domain name for Zgames.com. The X games are worse than yesterday's news; there yesterday's newspaper.
The county I lived in was Monroe County (home of the body bag). The city in the center: Rochester: home of... I already used that, shit. Plus, 2 colons may be pushing it inside one sentence. I got one kind of hip-hop name for Rochester: R.O.C. : Rocking. Out. All (silent A). Crews. Sports radio personality Jim Rome calls it Crapchester; the reason being is Jim Rome kind of sucks. Another name for Rochester is the city formerly known as Kodak. A once great company who once feared the Fujinista Clan and has gone on to fear pretty much everything else. Fuji by the way is now a subsidiary of the Jackie Chan (the Chinese are buying even those that we confuse as being Chinese which is good because in a few years you won't mess up because that guy from Vietnam is now Chinese).
I can't lie. It was obvious to every adult who saw me. I was the most adorable kid that has ever walked the planet. It's alright but I would of took the attractiveness injection sometime around the getting laid years. And since those are now over I try to ignore the awful black pain that some call their Senior yearbook. Note to self: remember to fling some hurt grenades at those I designate assholes in the very near future.
I'm going to jump around because I find disorganization is the best way to go about things when organization is not even an option.
Hilton is small town USA. I think it is. Small towns can sometimes can be quite large with those big ass movie theaters with stadium seating and those Mega-Walmarts that attract the biggest losers on the planets to watch some douche bag with comically large scissors you would expect to find in the drawer of a kitchen that belongs to a clown to cut a red (color of the Illumaniti) ribbon (sash?). Hey, I like Wal-mart just as much as the next guy who likes cheap socks but I feel a lot less destitute inside the framework (using it in the wrong connotation) of a Target. If you could take a Wal-mart (dominate male) and mate it with a Target (can be kind of a bitch sometime female) they would churn-out some Deals that didn't make you feel cheap, huh? I'm sure each of these hybrids (we all are (deep)) would take on more of one than another. I do know that there wouldn't be any Target reward cards because when Daddy Wal-mart co-habittated with Mommy Target; Wally cut up all of Targe's credit cards. Have to have that good fiscal responsibility if Mommy wants to keep getting that physical continuity.
You know how the 80's were with crack. Well, with the introduction of the internet where everyone's voice can be heard Celebrity is now the new crack.
I suffer from lactose absorbent. I have a perfect ability to digest lactose products with absolutely no problem which means I don't get the "look at me" attention by telling the host that I cannot have anything that they have prepared for the Super-Bowl party forcing the much annoyed man of the house to miss the best first quarter in Super Bowl history because he has to go to the grocery stores and buy whatever these prima donna asshole's can eat that doesn't make them shit that good old brown liquid. When the husband gets home the 2nd quarter just started and he's informed that the score is tied 50-50.
Are guys really stilled turned on by anal sex? Heterosexual ass-sex is so 1980's.
A war is a commodity. You must sell the citizens that mowing their lawn is dependent on soldiers mowing down the enemy.
Is a good example of the word flippant when you tell someone to fuck themselves with your hand?
When your totally grossed out by any other individuals but your owns fart could you
be flatulence intolerant?
Can you brainwash a vegetable?
You know the best way to brainwash someone? Don't suck worse than the person you try to brainwash.
There's a party over there. There's a party over here. It's just to bad there isn't a party in walking distance.
Muslims believe that when you die and go to heaven you get 72 virgins to fuck. 72. Really? I can see having 1 or 2 or 3 tops. But the rest of them better be porn stars. You can't just stick your dick in a virgin. There is going to be a lot of finger-banging involved. After finger-banging 72 virgins to get the party started you'll end up with carpal tunnel. Plus these bitches ain't gonna know how to fuck. You know how much fucking you have to do with 72 virgins before shit gets interesting? And to start it all off your going to have to talk some game to get into their unbelievably pure panties until your so exhausted that you don't even want to fuck anymore. And you still got the finger fucking to do. In my conception of Heaven there is no such thing called foreplay. Think of all the fucking in-laws.
Most evil men have small dicks. Except Hitler who measured in at an impressive 10 inches.
Breakdown or no breakdown. Didn't you think Britney Spears career was almost over anyway? Did you really think she would be like Barbara Streisand in her 60's charging 2 grand a seat?
I think that Tony Montana probably was a premature ejaculator. Among other issues.
One thing I noticed about young chicks is their bodies bounce up.
I think I'm telling a story. I guess there's only one way to find out...
I think the early years still kind of sucked because your basically playing with the same damn shit they have since I can remember which we know doesn't not count my first few years and not much the few years after those years. Got it. It's plastic shit that's been narrowed down from the obvious eye gougers and choke hazards.
But there always some enterprising toddlers out there that learn a way to use some toy in such a manner that it becomes lethal to themselves. The few who survive these exercises in extreme product testing often go on to bigger and better things. And with hope those bigger and better things will not kill them either. What do Steve Job's, Bill Walsh, and Barak Obama have in common? You guess it. They are all choking hazard survivors. So anyone prone to think that those who almost choked to death on a plastic toy as a wee little one would go on to suck in life couldn't be more wrong.
You know I always thought my generation was the last generation. I mean we were the Pepsi generation when it started out. Then it was changed to the X generation yet I could find no 7/11 with any X soda products. Then I figured out that the Pepsi corporation was bought by the X corporation only for the X corporation to become a subsidiary of the Y generation. I just bought the domain name for Zgames.com. The X games are worse than yesterday's news; there yesterday's newspaper.
The county I lived in was Monroe County (home of the body bag). The city in the center: Rochester: home of... I already used that, shit. Plus, 2 colons may be pushing it inside one sentence. I got one kind of hip-hop name for Rochester: R.O.C. : Rocking. Out. All (silent A). Crews. Sports radio personality Jim Rome calls it Crapchester; the reason being is Jim Rome kind of sucks. Another name for Rochester is the city formerly known as Kodak. A once great company who once feared the Fujinista Clan and has gone on to fear pretty much everything else. Fuji by the way is now a subsidiary of the Jackie Chan (the Chinese are buying even those that we confuse as being Chinese which is good because in a few years you won't mess up because that guy from Vietnam is now Chinese).
I can't lie. It was obvious to every adult who saw me. I was the most adorable kid that has ever walked the planet. It's alright but I would of took the attractiveness injection sometime around the getting laid years. And since those are now over I try to ignore the awful black pain that some call their Senior yearbook. Note to self: remember to fling some hurt grenades at those I designate assholes in the very near future.
I'm going to jump around because I find disorganization is the best way to go about things when organization is not even an option.
Hilton is small town USA. I think it is. Small towns can sometimes can be quite large with those big ass movie theaters with stadium seating and those Mega-Walmarts that attract the biggest losers on the planets to watch some douche bag with comically large scissors you would expect to find in the drawer of a kitchen that belongs to a clown to cut a red (color of the Illumaniti) ribbon (sash?). Hey, I like Wal-mart just as much as the next guy who likes cheap socks but I feel a lot less destitute inside the framework (using it in the wrong connotation) of a Target. If you could take a Wal-mart (dominate male) and mate it with a Target (can be kind of a bitch sometime female) they would churn-out some Deals that didn't make you feel cheap, huh? I'm sure each of these hybrids (we all are (deep)) would take on more of one than another. I do know that there wouldn't be any Target reward cards because when Daddy Wal-mart co-habittated with Mommy Target; Wally cut up all of Targe's credit cards. Have to have that good fiscal responsibility if Mommy wants to keep getting that physical continuity.
You know how the 80's were with crack. Well, with the introduction of the internet where everyone's voice can be heard Celebrity is now the new crack.
I suffer from lactose absorbent. I have a perfect ability to digest lactose products with absolutely no problem which means I don't get the "look at me" attention by telling the host that I cannot have anything that they have prepared for the Super-Bowl party forcing the much annoyed man of the house to miss the best first quarter in Super Bowl history because he has to go to the grocery stores and buy whatever these prima donna asshole's can eat that doesn't make them shit that good old brown liquid. When the husband gets home the 2nd quarter just started and he's informed that the score is tied 50-50.
Are guys really stilled turned on by anal sex? Heterosexual ass-sex is so 1980's.
A war is a commodity. You must sell the citizens that mowing their lawn is dependent on soldiers mowing down the enemy.
Is a good example of the word flippant when you tell someone to fuck themselves with your hand?
When your totally grossed out by any other individuals but your owns fart could you
be flatulence intolerant?
Can you brainwash a vegetable?
You know the best way to brainwash someone? Don't suck worse than the person you try to brainwash.
There's a party over there. There's a party over here. It's just to bad there isn't a party in walking distance.
Muslims believe that when you die and go to heaven you get 72 virgins to fuck. 72. Really? I can see having 1 or 2 or 3 tops. But the rest of them better be porn stars. You can't just stick your dick in a virgin. There is going to be a lot of finger-banging involved. After finger-banging 72 virgins to get the party started you'll end up with carpal tunnel. Plus these bitches ain't gonna know how to fuck. You know how much fucking you have to do with 72 virgins before shit gets interesting? And to start it all off your going to have to talk some game to get into their unbelievably pure panties until your so exhausted that you don't even want to fuck anymore. And you still got the finger fucking to do. In my conception of Heaven there is no such thing called foreplay. Think of all the fucking in-laws.
Most evil men have small dicks. Except Hitler who measured in at an impressive 10 inches.
Breakdown or no breakdown. Didn't you think Britney Spears career was almost over anyway? Did you really think she would be like Barbara Streisand in her 60's charging 2 grand a seat?
I think that Tony Montana probably was a premature ejaculator. Among other issues.
One thing I noticed about young chicks is their bodies bounce up.
I think I'm telling a story. I guess there's only one way to find out...
Friday, February 26, 2010
Why Kyle should take back Tom
This one's a little long but you can't fight making a sequel when the first was box office magic.
10. Can get a drunk Tom to do anything no matter how impossible for victory or how certain the risk of death the task contains. All you have to do is in a guttural voice call Toml a "Puuuuussssssyyyyyy" after your requested action. Andy used that mind control device method to control Tom and Colleco back in their fraternity days.
9. Conspiracy theories. You get to hear ridiculous stories that a 8 year old wouldn't believe but Tom does. The Government knows the cure for cancer but there's too much money to be made in healthcare (that's why they don't want to pay for national healthcare because it will cause a vicious cycle). Tupac is alive and now has dreadlocks and plays in a Rastafarian band while living off of selling sea shells by the seashore in Jamaica. The worst conspiracy is the conspiracy to fool you to believe there is no conspiracy. The fact there have been actual conspiracies proves that all conspiracy theories are true. Except that one about that they have a car that runs on water bullshit. Only assholes believe that one. He may even have an explanation why secret societies would put their symbols in books, dollar bills and buildings. The worst way to keep a secret is to get into advertising that promotes you have a secret. True Fact: Steal ironically doesn't believe that there was any shooter but Lee Harvey Oswald. I guess that conspiracy theory is passe in the believing ridiculous shit community. That's so 1991.
8. Tom's inability to understand simple concepts. If you ever have kids it will be a breeze to explain all the insistent why questions your child asks after trying to explain to drunk Tom why you can't buy any beer at 2:15am. On the night of pissing off Mr. Kevin Heckler, Tom fell backwards and smashed the back of his head on the concrete going into a state of unconsciousness. He was reportedly snoring (possibly sleep apnea is to blame for his future actions) while he took his sleep on the concrete mattress. He was bleeding bad and when he finally went home his 'bitch' (he never said that I'm taking artistic license here) wife forced him to go to the hospital to get stitches just because he was bleeding all over the family room and couch. Women just don't understand. Interesting side note: Tom's wife is training to be a nurse. It's like how Batman's butler Alfred is a trained field medic. "Patch me up I must go out again tonight." "But you need time to rest and heal!" "I've no choice. Who knew that the Penguins would force a game 7. There's a bar I must urinate on tonight. Soon the whole Sports Bar will smell like urine. They had it coming for making me walk 20 feet to go to the Men's room. Plus when it's crowded you got to maintain your spot at all costs. You knew who I was when you met me. Now let me go out there and make a drunken fool of myself like I was put on this planet to do."
Kyle, who hangs out with Tom rather often, the next day said one of the most astounding statements I have ever heard in my now middle-aged life. He said... Are you ready for this? Seriously are you ready for this? No matter what you do you are not ready for this. "Tom last night you were the MOST FUCKED UP THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN YOU." Right now may be a good time to take a breather and come back to this once you recover from....I must take a break. Even I'm at a loss for......2 hours later. I just re-watched "It's a Wonderful life" and can honestly say that... Did Kaleb say to Tom that last night was
MOST FUCKED UP THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN YOU? (I may have to expound on this in another post because there is way too much to say and it deserves it's own separate attention). To make this short I told Tom he may have had a thing called a "concussion". You know the thing that after Troy Aikman gets pounded by the great Dexter Manley (who when he had a tearful press conference about how he couldn't read it made a young Steve inexplicably start bawling like a little fragile girl) that knocks him out and when he wakes up he suddenly thinks he's at a Bob Evan's and he gives his order to what he thinks is a waitress but is really the Cowboy's trainer asking how many fingers he's holding up. "Quit biting my fingers Troy. No they are not sausage links." I tried to explain my take on the situation but Steal had trouble letting go with his "someone must of slipped me a mickey" (there was a man behind the potted plant defense). To his defense if I had to choose one person to actually havRe this unlikely event come to fruition in the bottom of his Jack & Coke it would be Steal Mitt.
7. He spear fishes. What's more bad ass than that?
6. He once owned a Rottweiler that was a pussy. What's more bad ass than that?
6.b. He once had a friend named Inane Doogie. Who's a bigger pussy than that?
5. Steal is such a good guy he got his best man laid not at the bachelor party as usually happens (if your a wife or girlfriend reading this know that my last statement is a big lie trust me your mans "friends" are way too cheap to have a "fun" bachelor party) but at the actual wedding. Kory Heckler claims he knows nothing A boot what the last statement is A boot.
4. He was a super cute kid. Oh somebody told you this? Then tell his Mom it will be news to her rimshot. (Seriously who would tell you something so untrue like that).
3. He can help you set up your stereo. He actually has a pretty good knowledge of electronics. He used to take apart radios and put them back together as a kid. Yeah he really didn't have many friends back then. His rolling partner was Jason Andy which made Steal the stylish one (Jeff was the heartthrob). I saw a documentary where Meth heads tear apart radios and electronics when their high. So I guess Steal's natural chemical free state is similar to a Hillbilly Heroin addict totally fucking flying out his fucking mind.
2. He actually has incredible amount of patience for others faults (see Rob Colleco). He thought Jim Rome was cool for what was an unnaturally long time. I have my theory that Steal was a fan until he thought worthy of showing his Smack-talk to the master but was rudely rejected after many years of being a devoted fan. "We have a caller Tom from Tampa. Tom, you know the drill. Have a take and don't suck. Welcome to the jungle What do you got." "Longtime listener, first time caller. WHAT'S UP ROMEY! Yo, I'm originally from Buffalo and let me tell you your name Crapchester is right. That place sucks! Obama wants to implant a microchip in our brain to make us like our vegetables and that's bull-...not right. The country is about choice...THE BILL'S BITCH!!!!! Oh and Mike Vick let me say something about that. I used to have a dog so I know what I'm.. BBBZZZZZZZZZZZ. (And Jim Rome wonders why his show never shows any growth in ratings.)
1. He's Tom?
10. Can get a drunk Tom to do anything no matter how impossible for victory or how certain the risk of death the task contains. All you have to do is in a guttural voice call Toml a "Puuuuussssssyyyyyy" after your requested action. Andy used that mind control device method to control Tom and Colleco back in their fraternity days.
9. Conspiracy theories. You get to hear ridiculous stories that a 8 year old wouldn't believe but Tom does. The Government knows the cure for cancer but there's too much money to be made in healthcare (that's why they don't want to pay for national healthcare because it will cause a vicious cycle). Tupac is alive and now has dreadlocks and plays in a Rastafarian band while living off of selling sea shells by the seashore in Jamaica. The worst conspiracy is the conspiracy to fool you to believe there is no conspiracy. The fact there have been actual conspiracies proves that all conspiracy theories are true. Except that one about that they have a car that runs on water bullshit. Only assholes believe that one. He may even have an explanation why secret societies would put their symbols in books, dollar bills and buildings. The worst way to keep a secret is to get into advertising that promotes you have a secret. True Fact: Steal ironically doesn't believe that there was any shooter but Lee Harvey Oswald. I guess that conspiracy theory is passe in the believing ridiculous shit community. That's so 1991.
8. Tom's inability to understand simple concepts. If you ever have kids it will be a breeze to explain all the insistent why questions your child asks after trying to explain to drunk Tom why you can't buy any beer at 2:15am. On the night of pissing off Mr. Kevin Heckler, Tom fell backwards and smashed the back of his head on the concrete going into a state of unconsciousness. He was reportedly snoring (possibly sleep apnea is to blame for his future actions) while he took his sleep on the concrete mattress. He was bleeding bad and when he finally went home his 'bitch' (he never said that I'm taking artistic license here) wife forced him to go to the hospital to get stitches just because he was bleeding all over the family room and couch. Women just don't understand. Interesting side note: Tom's wife is training to be a nurse. It's like how Batman's butler Alfred is a trained field medic. "Patch me up I must go out again tonight." "But you need time to rest and heal!" "I've no choice. Who knew that the Penguins would force a game 7. There's a bar I must urinate on tonight. Soon the whole Sports Bar will smell like urine. They had it coming for making me walk 20 feet to go to the Men's room. Plus when it's crowded you got to maintain your spot at all costs. You knew who I was when you met me. Now let me go out there and make a drunken fool of myself like I was put on this planet to do."
Kyle, who hangs out with Tom rather often, the next day said one of the most astounding statements I have ever heard in my now middle-aged life. He said... Are you ready for this? Seriously are you ready for this? No matter what you do you are not ready for this. "Tom last night you were the MOST FUCKED UP THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN YOU." Right now may be a good time to take a breather and come back to this once you recover from....I must take a break. Even I'm at a loss for......2 hours later. I just re-watched "It's a Wonderful life" and can honestly say that... Did Kaleb say to Tom that last night was
MOST FUCKED UP THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN YOU? (I may have to expound on this in another post because there is way too much to say and it deserves it's own separate attention). To make this short I told Tom he may have had a thing called a "concussion". You know the thing that after Troy Aikman gets pounded by the great Dexter Manley (who when he had a tearful press conference about how he couldn't read it made a young Steve inexplicably start bawling like a little fragile girl) that knocks him out and when he wakes up he suddenly thinks he's at a Bob Evan's and he gives his order to what he thinks is a waitress but is really the Cowboy's trainer asking how many fingers he's holding up. "Quit biting my fingers Troy. No they are not sausage links." I tried to explain my take on the situation but Steal had trouble letting go with his "someone must of slipped me a mickey" (there was a man behind the potted plant defense). To his defense if I had to choose one person to actually havRe this unlikely event come to fruition in the bottom of his Jack & Coke it would be Steal Mitt.
7. He spear fishes. What's more bad ass than that?
6. He once owned a Rottweiler that was a pussy. What's more bad ass than that?
6.b. He once had a friend named Inane Doogie. Who's a bigger pussy than that?
5. Steal is such a good guy he got his best man laid not at the bachelor party as usually happens (if your a wife or girlfriend reading this know that my last statement is a big lie trust me your mans "friends" are way too cheap to have a "fun" bachelor party) but at the actual wedding. Kory Heckler claims he knows nothing A boot what the last statement is A boot.
4. He was a super cute kid. Oh somebody told you this? Then tell his Mom it will be news to her rimshot. (Seriously who would tell you something so untrue like that).
3. He can help you set up your stereo. He actually has a pretty good knowledge of electronics. He used to take apart radios and put them back together as a kid. Yeah he really didn't have many friends back then. His rolling partner was Jason Andy which made Steal the stylish one (Jeff was the heartthrob). I saw a documentary where Meth heads tear apart radios and electronics when their high. So I guess Steal's natural chemical free state is similar to a Hillbilly Heroin addict totally fucking flying out his fucking mind.
2. He actually has incredible amount of patience for others faults (see Rob Colleco). He thought Jim Rome was cool for what was an unnaturally long time. I have my theory that Steal was a fan until he thought worthy of showing his Smack-talk to the master but was rudely rejected after many years of being a devoted fan. "We have a caller Tom from Tampa. Tom, you know the drill. Have a take and don't suck. Welcome to the jungle What do you got." "Longtime listener, first time caller. WHAT'S UP ROMEY! Yo, I'm originally from Buffalo and let me tell you your name Crapchester is right. That place sucks! Obama wants to implant a microchip in our brain to make us like our vegetables and that's bull-...not right. The country is about choice...THE BILL'S BITCH!!!!! Oh and Mike Vick let me say something about that. I used to have a dog so I know what I'm.. BBBZZZZZZZZZZZ. (And Jim Rome wonders why his show never shows any growth in ratings.)
1. He's Tom?
Colleco's Way
"Open C-74...Colleco, Rob"
(sound of automatic cell door opening)
"Let me walk you to the door" "So how does it feel leaving us?" "C'mon man what kind of question is that man?...About to get the fux out this joint dog" "Yeah you'll be back... you white trash pale skinned Deigo West-Pennsylvanian always are" "What the fuck you hollering about you holmes you won't see me again in this motherfucker....I got small to medium sized plans nigga....small to medium sized plans....ha ha"
But can an old school gangster make it in a new school world? And even if the games the same the faces sure have changed....Can he leave the old ways behind and start over?
Colleco's Way.
starring Rob Colleco
with Rob Sheperd as the friend you don't want to hang out with if your goal is not to go back to jail.
and steezoValenti who plays the narrator that is telling the story a lot cooler than it actually is.
He has to stay straight and lay low because there are some unhappy friends in Chicago who would like nothing better than to see D'franco sized for a pine-box.
He payed his debt to society but in the underworld you can't claim bankruptcy.
Will he be able to pay them off? He who is a landscaper with a minor Marijuana addiction. Will he live long enough to see his child graduate high school (I don't rip on kids so I'll shut my mouth).
Or will they continue to leave pissed off messages on his answering machine when they're drunk and pissed that they owe they're dad for loaning them money unknowingly for buying large quantities of weed (for small time players who watch too many gangster movies) that were transported in a pick up truck to the vice capital called RIT.
How will the story end?
Where did it begin?
Does anybody really give a shit?
stay tuned.....
(sound of automatic cell door opening)
"Let me walk you to the door" "So how does it feel leaving us?" "C'mon man what kind of question is that man?...About to get the fux out this joint dog" "Yeah you'll be back... you white trash pale skinned Deigo West-Pennsylvanian always are" "What the fuck you hollering about you holmes you won't see me again in this motherfucker....I got small to medium sized plans nigga....small to medium sized plans....ha ha"
But can an old school gangster make it in a new school world? And even if the games the same the faces sure have changed....Can he leave the old ways behind and start over?
Colleco's Way.
starring Rob Colleco
with Rob Sheperd as the friend you don't want to hang out with if your goal is not to go back to jail.
and steezoValenti who plays the narrator that is telling the story a lot cooler than it actually is.
He has to stay straight and lay low because there are some unhappy friends in Chicago who would like nothing better than to see D'franco sized for a pine-box.
He payed his debt to society but in the underworld you can't claim bankruptcy.
Will he be able to pay them off? He who is a landscaper with a minor Marijuana addiction. Will he live long enough to see his child graduate high school (I don't rip on kids so I'll shut my mouth).
Or will they continue to leave pissed off messages on his answering machine when they're drunk and pissed that they owe they're dad for loaning them money unknowingly for buying large quantities of weed (for small time players who watch too many gangster movies) that were transported in a pick up truck to the vice capital called RIT.
How will the story end?
Where did it begin?
Does anybody really give a shit?
stay tuned.....
Colleco's Way Scene 2
(Inexplicably every scene that Colleco is in has dated Snoop Dogg songs playing...)
...mirror mirror on the wall....
In this scene Colleco is picked up at his job after work by his cousin Gerko Colleco.
"Yo what's up Frank? How's it going man?" (They use the word man a lot in Western Pennsylvanian.)
"Good. Man. Good. It's good to see you. Good to smell the grass. Good to see the sun even though it burns painfully my unnaturally white skin. You wouldn't think I could get much lighter but in prison from the lack of Rochester's gray sky's to keep my pigment I actually became translucent. The guards thought I would be a flight risk because of my condition so they kept spray painting me black. This only added to my problems because both the Black Guerrilla Family and the Aryan Brotherhood wouldn't accept me as one of there own."
"Yo, I heard a lot of dudes get ass raped when their away...that didn't happen to you Frank did it?"
"I don't want to talk about it. I've seen things you couldn't understand. I've seen all kinds of things..." Looks out the passenger window. "I've seen all kinds of dicks..."
"What!?"
"I mean things...things...In lock up we call things dicks. Prison lingo. Like what's that dick on the wall...Oh, thats a picture of ducks in a pond...you get it. I've seen different colors, shades, sizes, short dicks, long dicks, wide dicks...yeah those wide dicks are the worst kind of dicks. Trust me."
"Yo, you getting back in the game?"
"That life's not for me anymore....I'm going straight."
"What! But your a legend in these parts. Of course it doesn't take much to be a legend around here. You know that semi-retarded fat kid Travis."
"Yeah used to be one of my best customers."
"Well, he got the highest score ever on that old Moon Patrol game at the bowling alley. He's been knee deep in hot ass pussy ever since" (hot ass pussy in Pennsylvania are what the rest of us call trailer stop quality pussy.) "59 seconds is the fastest time possible to reach checkpoints E, J, O, T, or Z. He got 75 in all but Z where he got a 90. We couldn't find out so we just assumed it's the world record. I tried to break his record but do you know how hard it is to jump a crater with your lunar buggy while a flying saucer is shooting at you?...Hey man, what's wrong."
"Ahhhh, I keep getting pizzas from Domino's sent to my house that I didn't order. When I opened the door the pizza man asked me if I'm 'Mr. Sucksondick'. I complained to the store and when they looked it up the area code was in Chicago.
They know where I live. If Andy ever learns about GPS technology I'm done for...Yo, man your supposed to drop me off at home...where are we going...
"Yo, man I just have to make a stop...." to be continued...
...mirror mirror on the wall....
In this scene Colleco is picked up at his job after work by his cousin Gerko Colleco.
"Yo what's up Frank? How's it going man?" (They use the word man a lot in Western Pennsylvanian.)
"Good. Man. Good. It's good to see you. Good to smell the grass. Good to see the sun even though it burns painfully my unnaturally white skin. You wouldn't think I could get much lighter but in prison from the lack of Rochester's gray sky's to keep my pigment I actually became translucent. The guards thought I would be a flight risk because of my condition so they kept spray painting me black. This only added to my problems because both the Black Guerrilla Family and the Aryan Brotherhood wouldn't accept me as one of there own."
"Yo, I heard a lot of dudes get ass raped when their away...that didn't happen to you Frank did it?"
"I don't want to talk about it. I've seen things you couldn't understand. I've seen all kinds of things..." Looks out the passenger window. "I've seen all kinds of dicks..."
"What!?"
"I mean things...things...In lock up we call things dicks. Prison lingo. Like what's that dick on the wall...Oh, thats a picture of ducks in a pond...you get it. I've seen different colors, shades, sizes, short dicks, long dicks, wide dicks...yeah those wide dicks are the worst kind of dicks. Trust me."
"Yo, you getting back in the game?"
"That life's not for me anymore....I'm going straight."
"What! But your a legend in these parts. Of course it doesn't take much to be a legend around here. You know that semi-retarded fat kid Travis."
"Yeah used to be one of my best customers."
"Well, he got the highest score ever on that old Moon Patrol game at the bowling alley. He's been knee deep in hot ass pussy ever since" (hot ass pussy in Pennsylvania are what the rest of us call trailer stop quality pussy.) "59 seconds is the fastest time possible to reach checkpoints E, J, O, T, or Z. He got 75 in all but Z where he got a 90. We couldn't find out so we just assumed it's the world record. I tried to break his record but do you know how hard it is to jump a crater with your lunar buggy while a flying saucer is shooting at you?...Hey man, what's wrong."
"Ahhhh, I keep getting pizzas from Domino's sent to my house that I didn't order. When I opened the door the pizza man asked me if I'm 'Mr. Sucksondick'. I complained to the store and when they looked it up the area code was in Chicago.
They know where I live. If Andy ever learns about GPS technology I'm done for...Yo, man your supposed to drop me off at home...where are we going...
"Yo, man I just have to make a stop...." to be continued...
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